The secrets of midlife love: How everything you thought about great sex is wrong

These are astonishing times for sex. With the click of a mouse, you can check your technique, look for new positions or even find a partner.

But with sex getting all this attention, are people feeling any more satisfied in bed?

I doubt it. Couples in long-term committed relationships have as much trouble as ever keeping desire alive.

Some people know intuitively how to stay erotically connected once the overwhelming desire they felt in the first few years starts to wane. But many don't, which is unfortunate since it's not that hard once you know how.

Over the past 30 years as a sex therapist, I've treated more than 1,500 individuals and couples. What's that been like? Well, chiefly it's meant hearing about lots of bad sex.

It's all about feelings. Sexual arousal is a particular state of mind and follows its own set of rules

I think by now I may be one of the world's foremost experts on bad sex. That may sound like a dubious honour, but, in fact, it's been really useful. 

Hearing about so many kinds of bad sex has left me with a deeper understanding about what makes for good sex — and even great sex.

There are lots of books these days about technique, but my new book, Love Worth Making, How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex In A Long-Lasting Relationship, goes in a completely different direction.

It's all about feelings. Sexual arousal is a particular state of mind and follows its own set of rules. 

Once you learn how arousal really works, that can pay off big-time in a committed relationship.

A midlife woman comes to see me about some problems with her husband. She mentions that in the early years of their marriage the sex they shared was particularly good.

'What was so good about it?' I ask, naturally curious.

She answers without a moment's hesitation. 'I felt pretty,' she says. 'And I felt sexy.'

Things have changed a little since this woman was a newlywed. It's now recognised that there's much more to a woman's sexual pleasure than simply being the object of desire.

But many women in my practice still tell me that feeling desired is more important than orgasm. They still enjoy fantasies of being sexually irresistible.

The reality is that most women don't just like to feel desired: they need it. It's like oxygen. 

Most women tell me they rather enjoy being chased, by someone who's worthy of her.

The problem in most marriages is that when a man starts to feel his wife is a sure thing, he stops chasing her. 

Sexual selfishness tends to be more erotic than sexual generosity and being a generous lover isn't a bad thing

When that happens, their erotic relationship loses something essential. 

Sex books typically advise women to manipulate the situation — by introducing elements of risk or uncertainty, or by making themselves less reliably available.

I don't like that approach. Most men don't enjoy having their feelings manipulated, and most women don't appreciate having one more job to do.

I find it's better to put the responsibility on the man, and to educate him about his partner's need to be pursued.

Then it's his job to decide how to use this information and to face the consequences of his decisions. If he doesn't act accordingly, then I have no sympathy for him.

Too much cuddling can neuter your relationship. Sorry, I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true. 

Couples who spend their evenings curled up together in front of the TV are quietly depleting whatever erotic charge might remain between them.

I'd rather couples not touch each other too much, unless there's some erotic energy to be passed around.

A better alternative to cuddling is what we sex therapists call 'simmering' — getting aroused together on a regular basis, just for a moment or two, even when you don't have the time or inclination to go all the way.

That generally means no orgasms, no rhythmic stroking, no heavy breathing. Nothing that's going to leave you too frustrated after you have to stop.

Couples who are overworked and distracted (i.e. most of us) often neglect to get aroused in each other's company unless they intend to have sex. That's a mistake. 

Most couples need to get aroused together much more frequently than that. Simmering is probably the most important technique in the whole sex therapy tool-kit.

The deep secret to most sexually happy couples' erotic connection is that it's the simmering, rather than the sex, that keeps them erotically attuned to each other.

Here's an example of what simmering looks like: A man is about to leave the house to go to work. 

Kissing his wife goodbye, he buries his face in her hair to inhale her scent. His arms circle her waist to pull her closer.

Her body moulds to his, and they breathe together for a moment, both feeling excited. Then he looks at his watch and hurries off.

With any luck, the experience leaves them both feeling slightly buzzed, in that goofy way that good arousal can make you feel. 

Also a bit frustrated, maybe. But that bit of frustration can be erotic in its own right. Properly managed, it can pay off big-time in good lovemaking later on.

So instead of sending your partner off to work with a peck on the lips, try holding them close for a bit longer than usual. There's a moment there that won't come again. Yes, I know you're anxious about the day ahead, but this is important, too.

A man comes to see me for advice on how to please his wife in bed. He says her needs are very particular.

For instance, the two of them will be involved in some kind of foreplay, and she'll interrupt him with criticisms like: 'Stop, don't — that's too much,' or 'No, not like that.'

The poor man tries his best to please her, or at least not to upset her. But the harder he tries, the more frustrated she gets. He's at his wits' end.

Fortunately, I know this story well, having heard it so many times over the years from so many men. 

When I first started as a sex therapist, I'd routinely ask to speak with the wife in private. Here's how the conversation usually went:

Me: 'Your husband says he doesn't know how to please you. He says you're very sensitive.'

Wife: 'Oh, for heaven's sake, I'm not sensitive at all. I'm just dying inside for him to show me some passion. All he does is fumble around. It drives me crazy.'

You see the problem? He's focused on trying to satisfy her. But all she really wants is to feel his passion, his confidence, his hunger to devour her in an ecstasy of selfish abandon.

Sexual selfishness tends to be more erotic than sexual generosity. Being a generous lover isn't a bad thing, of course. But if it's not accompanied by the right kind of selfishness, it can be a problem.

After all, no hero in a romantic novel ever rips off the heroine's clothes and says: 'Tell me how you like to be touched.'

To have good sex with someone you love, it can be best to love them a little less — to become oblivious to their needs and trust them to take care of themselves.

We sex therapists aren't so interested in orgasms. We're among the few humans on the planet who aren't. 

One of my favourite definitions of a sex therapist is someone who spends most of their professional life urging couples not to make too big a fuss about orgasms.

Why not? Because in really good sex, orgasm is like dessert at the end of a meal. Memorable, perhaps — but not the reason you went out to dinner. 

In my experience, the couples who have the best sex don't set orgasm as a goal. They just enjoy it if it happens.

Many couples' capacity for channelling erotic energy tends to diminish in midlife. 

As a result, being sexual can start to feel awkward.

One of the biggest mistakes I see midlife couples make is to go to bed and try to have sex immediately. 

By midlife, most couples need first to spend some time opening up together before engaging in any serious love-making.

Here is my basic two-step recipe to ensure your sex life survives marriage:

STEP ONE: Spend time in bed doing nothing together, naked if you prefer.

 If you like, talk about whatever's on your mind. It doesn't have to be erotic, but keep it simple. 

See if you can give yourselves permission just to be together quietly, doing nothing. 

Notice your breathing, the temperature of your skin, the way your body presses against the mattress.

STEP TWO: Now turn to your partner. If you've taken the time to tune into your breath and your body, you'll probably find your senses are more open, and physical intimacy can proceed in a more natural, less forced way.

You'll probably notice that your own desire rises and falls. That's natural. 

Notice where your erotic attention goes, and follow it there. 

You may decide to have intercourse, or not. The main thing is to stay present in the moment, without judgment. 

If you can do that all the way through, then you're well on your way to a better sex life for years to come.

Now you might think I'm crazy to minimise the importance of orgasms — especially when nearly every other sex book is promising you bigger and better ones.

But desire doesn't like goals. It's better to focus on turn-ons instead. 

Then, if you're lucky, after you've eaten and enjoyed everything on your plate, the dessert trolley appears and you realise: 'Oh, I forgot! There's dessert!'

You've had that happen a few times, am I right? Pudding just kind of finishes you off.

That's how an orgasm should be. You can't survive on just dessert.

A lot of couples try to satisfy each other with orgasms, then wonder why they're still hungry.

It's commonly assumed men automatically want sex. And, in fact, most men do respond automatically to attractive body parts.

But in a real situation with a partner, a man ordinarily needs more. If most women need to feel desired, most men need to feel welcomed.

There's a certain smile a woman wears when she's really pleased — a big, welcoming smile of pleasure that says: 'Hey, I'm so glad you showed up!' 

At the start of a relationship, he sees that smile a lot.

The trouble often begins when he first sees her looking disappointed or unhappy. 

Especially if he's the source of her disappointment or unhappiness. When that happens, his desire can become far less automatic.

He'll usually just try to adopt as confident a pose as he can and hope his hurt feelings will pass.

But this tends not to work so well. Eventually, out of desperation, a man who feels criticised or unaccepted will usually just withdraw, both emotionally and sexually. 

When he withdraws, she feels unwanted and their sex life starts to fall apart.

The best solution, frankly, is just to recognise that the two of you are very different. 

Men are ordinarily more sensitive to feeling abandoned, and women are ordinarily more sensitive to feeling shame.

Women tend to be better at handling emotional conflict in relationships.

This is because, typically, they've had more practice at it, since their same-sex friendships and family bonds often tend to be more intimate. Men typically haven't had as much practice at tolerating disappointment and frustration in intimate relationships, so those things tend to frighten them more.

Most men are terribly afraid of disappointing the women they love. It's important for men to learn that a partner's frustration or disappointment is not necessarily a catastrophe. 

The middle years of a marriage are the most challenging. 

The honeymoon period ended aeons ago and you're now facing the twin stresses of children and elderly parents.

Throw in the demands of a job and running a house and it is easy for your relationship to be the last item on a long 'to do' list. Sure, you love each other, but how connected do you feel?

Unfortunately, if you bring up any concerns, your partner is likely either to brush them away or get defensive. That's why I use a radically different approach called Appreciative Inquiry.

Used by many businesses to improve their performance, it can revitalise your relationship. Instead of focusing on what doesn't work (and trying to fix it), the idea is to look at what does — and build on it.

The aim of the Appreciative Inquiry is to be positive and it has four parts: discover, dream, design and deliver

So instead of having a supposedly romantic Valentine's Day meal where you talk about the kids, jobs, the dog . . . ask each other my ten Appreciative Inquiry questions.

Sound frightening? Don't worry, the exercise encourages connection and creativity rather than criticism. (If any negative issues do come up, simply write them down to discuss another time.)

The aim here is to be positive — hence the name Appreciative Inquiry.

It has four parts: discover, dream, design and deliver.

Hold hands across the table and look into each other's eyes. 

Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin found couples in love spend 75 per cent of their time looking into each other's eyes, rather than the usual 30-60 per cent. I'd like you to spend at least five minutes doing this.

Keeping eye contact is both intimate and challenging, so if your partner gets emotional squeeze his or her hand. Use the time to think about the qualities you admire in your partner.

When one of you is ready, start to share your thoughts. 

One- or two-word qualities work best, for example: courage, strength, compassion, kindness, beautiful eyes — and there is no need to explain. Take your time. It is all right to pause and see what comes to mind, but I would like at least five qualities.

If you're on the receiving end, please accept the compliment by just saying thank you — — even though you might normally demur or run yourself down. Now, swap over roles.

Once you have finished this warm-up and are in a positive mood, you can start asking and answering my ten questions . . .

Why: It is good to remember what brought you together and your original connection.

Take it further: Remember funny or touching incidents from your courtship. Think about what you did that helped to build the connection.

Why: Love is built as much from overcoming obstacles as from sharing good times. What kind of circumstances bring out the best in your relationship?

Take it further: How do your different strengths complement each other and help make your marriage stronger?

Why: It is likely that each of you will come up with different days. Rather than assuming your partner's take on romance is the same as yours, here is a chance to find out what builds the connection for him or her.

Take it further: Go over this day in as much detail as possible so you discover the exact events or actions that made it special.

Why: It is embarrassing to talk about sex and that's why I have put in this question so you don't conspire together to overlook it.

Take it further: It is really important to keep this conversation positive because sex can make us feel vulnerable. If you find yourself thinking about what you don't like, flip it over. So, if you don't like rushed sex, answer: 'I like it when we take our time' (even if you can't remember when that last happened!).

Why: This question is designed to help you think about some goals for changing your relationship.

Take it further: Don't censor yourself. It doesn't matter if the dreams are hard to achieve. It is important, at this stage, to listen to each other and be creative together. Anything is possible — you can think about practical matters later.

Why: One of the biggest problems in midlife is feeling bored and trapped. Setting fresh goals can help your life become meaningful and focused again and avoid a midlife crisis.

Take it further: Ask your partner: How can I help with your ambitions? Instead of your beloved feeling alone or held back, you can start to become a team. Remember, you are only asking how to help your partner, not achieve the goal for them.

Why: This question allows you to look further into the future. Contrary to popular belief, the older we are, the happier we are. 

The Office for National Statistics collected data from 300,000 people and found life satisfaction improving from 60-plus, and the age group with the most positive ratings were aged 70 to 74.

Take it further: Encourage each other in a flight of fantasy by saying: 'Yes, and another thing we could do. . .'

Why: After discovering what works currently in your relationship and dreaming of how it might be in the future, comes the more practical part.

Take it further: Think about how your skills might help —one of you may be good at research, the other at planning.

Why: You know all the problems, like lack of time and money, but the idea is to focus less on those and more on how to carve off enough emotional space and energy for your relationship.

Take it further: If you find yourself slipping into old negative patterns or feeling anxious, hold hands and take a few deep breaths together. It is amazing how this will help you calm down and enjoy being together right here and now.

Why: According to the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu (601-531 BC): 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.' You are going to commit to the journey ahead by thinking about what each of you can do to start it.

Take it further: Discuss what you've enjoyed about this experience and how you can build on it. 

Perhaps Appreciative Inquiry could be used for other things in your life. You'll probably find that, just like at the start of your relationship, the time has evaporated and, if you're at a restaurant, staff are starting to worry you're never going to leave.

Endings are just as important as beginnings. So spend some time looking into each other's eyes again. 

You could finish off by taking it turns to list all the things for which you are grateful, from the profound to the silly. For example: good health, time together, chocolate and long walks. 

Say thank you and hug long enough for you both to relax and melt into each other.

Present the exercise as fun rather than a test of your relationship. If your partner is frightened of being judged, he or she will be resistant to the idea.

Acknowledge your misgivings and ask about his or hers.

Discuss how it could be made into a more positive experience. Perhaps doing it on Valentine's Day adds too much pressure. If so, fix an alternative date.

If the whole idea is still threatening, ask yourselves: what can we learn from this? Why is talking about our relationship so difficult? 

Do we have old messages from our childhood? For example: 'Some things are too important to talk about' or 'love should flow naturally'. How have these ideas served you?

Perhaps asking your partner to answer these questions feels impossible or you're afraid he or she will be nothing but critical. If so, consider getting professional help to learn how to talk constructively together.

The four most common problems with midlife love and how best to tackle them

Nearly 14 years have passed since I started my advice column for the Mail, so (with my two marriages to draw on, too) I'm pretty experienced in the ups and downs of human nature.

I have friends who've stayed happy and faithful for decades, and others who've survived affairs. 

Acquaintances have experienced divorce and the upheaval of midlife love, new marriages, melded families and so on. 

Then there are the problems of boredom, ageing, lack of communication — all the snags that can hit relationships.

One thing I'm sure of: there are no rules. We do our best to muddle through — and it helps to have a sympathetic listening ear.

Here are four of the problems I see most often — and how best to tackle them.

After all the stress of schooling, exams, teenage angst, money and university applications, suddenly childhood ends and you're left just gazing at each other across the breakfast table.

The house seems so quiet. Until now, a huge amount of energy has been spent on parenting. Without the children, you are still a parent, but you also need to start learning to be part of a couple again.

The trouble is that the loss is real, and this can affect women in particular, especially if they have been full-time mothers.

It always worries me when people say their children are 'their life'. Love them, but realise one day they will fly the nest — and so you need to nurture your own identity.

Couples should ensure they have 'date nights', or at the very least make room for their own interests.

Sudden loneliness can loom between long-term couples.

What can we talk about? Women complain about lack of communication ('He never says anything'), while men are more likely to be bothered by a physical lack.

It seems ages since you first met — those heady days of being in love, creating a life together. But you don't feel old: in fact, there's a restless, inner 30-year-old raring to go.

The danger comes when those inner selves want to go in different directions. As a young journalist, I listened to endless pub-moans of middle-aged colleagues whose wives 'didn't understand' them.

Those wives were probably very lonely — and maybe understood their husbands only too well.

But to throw away everything you have built — including the (possible) future delight of sharing grandparenthood and having more freedom together? Think carefully, as you might face old age alone. Visualising that is a wake-up call.

If you've grown apart, then you must start rebuilding: get busy with the metaphorical bricks and mortar to remodel your marriage.

Professional counselling is good (try charity Relate, relate.org), but so are DIY therapy sessions.

Decide on an evening with the photograph album. Sit with a glass of something delicious and share memories and laughs. Plan a holiday. Pick a shared project in the home or garden.

All this has to be deliberate: relationships don't move on by accident. Decide that togetherness beats loneliness and take charge.

The saddest letters I receive come from men and women whose partners have had an affair. 

The betrayal, hurt and rage is devastating, the grief akin to a bereavement. You've lost your cherished image of the person you loved, and it's a blow to your own identity.

It's also important to emphasise that infidelity can be platonic on the surface. If you find out your partner has had secret lunches with an attractive colleague and has been sending flirty texts, then what? 'But nothing happened!' comes the protest. 

The answer to that is: 'Yes, something did happen. You deceived me.'

If a couple have children, they owe it to them to have couples-counselling to work out if there is a way through; or mediation (try National Family Mediation, nfm.org.uk) to engineer a separation without damaging anger.

Some marriages have real flaws. Some run their course. Infidelity, be it actual or virtual, can be a cry for help — or a wave goodbye.

But some marriages can be saved, if there is real remorse, forgiveness and a desire for a new start. The only advice is to talk and talk, to discover what went wrong and whether it can be put right.

How do you learn to trust again? What happens if adult children don't like your new companion? How do you give your all to a relationship after bereavement?

These are some of the key decisions that often have to be made in midlife when facing second-time love — or third, or fourth.

Decisions made all the harder, perhaps, because age and experience have bred caution. But it's a short step from caution to fear.

This is your own precious life, so be brave, embrace change, tell yourself 'I can do this' — and make the most of the rest of your days!

The most romantic drinks are those chosen with care to match the tastes of your partner, says top mixologist Clair McLafferty. 

A well-made cocktail demonstrates the depth of your love far better than the mere uncorking of a bottle of wine. 

Bubbly or creamy, bitter or sweet, sipped by a roaring fire or at a hotel bar, the cocktail has always been associated with all things sexy and intimate. So try these elixirs to get you both in the mood ...

A classic Valentine's Day tipple that combines white crème de cacao with vodka and chocolate.

Put Chambord, vodka, white crème de cacao, Cointreau and single cream and ice in a cocktail shaker. Shake. Strain into a glass and add the raspberry.

Containing a scoop of vanilla ice cream, this drink — Soyer au champagne in French — has a sensuous texture.

Pour the liqueur, pineapple juice, curaçao, and brandy over the ice cream in a parfait glass. Fill with champagne. Serve with a spoon.

THE Italian liqueur Fernet-Branca is packed with aphrodisiac spice saffron.

Stir gin, sweet vermouth and Fernet in a mixing glass with ice until chilled (about 30 seconds). Strain into a chilled coupe glass. Squeeze orange peel or twist over the glass and drop into the cocktail.

This potion is sure to inspire romance. Ancient Greeks considered strawberries to be great aphrodisiacs.

Using a lemon wedge, rim glass with sugar. Shake vodka, peach schnapps and grapefruit juice with ice, and strain into glass. Add a strawberry to garnish.

For the sweet nights of new romance. Champagne adds crispness to the fruitiness of other ingredients.

SHAKE vodka, pineapple juice and orange liqueur with ice. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Top with champagne and garnish with the cherry.

A vitamin C-packed pick-me-up to really get the blood flowing.

l 4 blackberries, strawberries or blueberries, plus extra to garnish

l 1 ½ fl oz syrup (one part hot water with one part white sugar).

Muddle berries in a shaker with ½ fl oz of the syrup. Add rest of syrup, lemon juice and ice. Shake and pour into a tall glass. Fill glass with ginger beer and top with garnish.

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February 12, 2019

Sources: Daily Mail

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  • Nurse, 37, admits confusing two lung cancer patients and injecting one with the other's painkillers

    Nurse, 37, admits confusing two lung cancer patients and injecting one with the other's painkillers

    cine – because they were both named Roger – a court has been told.</p><p>Mr Allardyce died four days later in February 2016, the Southwark Crown Court heard today.</p><p>Mr Allardyce had been suffering from lung cancer when the agency nurse confused him for another man on the ward who was also called Roger and was suffering from the same condition. </p><p>A court was told today the mix up did not cause the man's death. </p><p>Retired printer Mr Allardyce was admitted on February 21, 2016, accompanied by wife Anne, after he suffered from a blockage in his throat.</p><p>Prosecutor James Norman said: ‘He had suffered, for a number of years, from some serious health problems, the most serious of which was diagnosed in 2014 where he was discovered to have lung cancer.</p><p>‘He was unwell and uncomfortable and not receiving any pain relief.</p><p>‘On the same ward was another man also called Roger, also suffering from lung cancer, who was receiving pain relief in the form of morphine and midazolam.’</p><p>The following day, Starzynska and senior nurse Donner O’Sullivan were discussing which painkillers to administer to another patient, Roger Sutton, the court heard.</p><p>According to the prosecution the nurses began to talk about the injection but were each talking about a different Roger.</p><p>‘She made two basic errors before injecting Mr Allardyce with the syringe,’ explained the prosecutor.</p><p>‘She did not ask Mr Allardyce to confirm his own personal details, nor did she check, which she could have done, the identification bracelet attached to Mr Allardyce’s arm, either of which would have alerted her to her mistake.’</p><p>‘She got the wrong Roger,’ added Judge Christopher Hehir QC.</p><p>The prosecutor continued: ‘Shortly afterwards, Mr Allardyce appeared to his wife to fall asleep.’</p><p>‘Far from being asleep, he was in fact unconscious and unresponsive.</p><p>‘A crash team was called and efforts were made to try and reverse the effects of the medicine - regrettably they were not successful.’ </p><p>Doctors at the hospital eventually agreed that nothing could be done for the ageing printer and his life support was withdrawn in the early hours of 26 September.</p><p>‘What we have here is an unauthorised administration of drugs, which led to what must have been for Mr Allardyce’s wife a very distressing scenario and for his family in general, the very distressing experience of watching him deteriorate.’</p><p>The court heard how earlier that year, Starzynska had been reprimanded at Whipps Cross Hospital for taking a glass of milk into the controlled drugs room.</p><p>Andrew Morris, defending said the pathologist’s report concluded that the death had not been caused by the drugs.</p><p>He explained how Starzynska had travelled from Poland to the UK in 2003 and began her career in nursing in 2013.</p><p>The court was told how the defendant had suffered a breakdown since the incident and is currently living at a charity designed to help troubled women.</p><p>‘She has shown clear remorse right from the beginning,’ explained Mr Morris.</p><p>Sentencing Starzynska, judge Hehir said: ‘Your carelessness led to a series of events, it is a quite shocking carelessness of which you are guilty.</p><p>The Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead where Roger Alardyce died. Although there was an error in his treatment it did not cause his death</p><p>‘It is accepted that the unfortunate administration of the wrong drug had not caused his death.</p><p>‘He was a man who was gravely ill and died of other causes. He never really recovered although he did regain consciousness.</p><p>‘I have to record my profound sympathies for what must have been a distressing episode.’</p><p>Starzynska, of Egham Road, Plaistow, London, pleaded guilty to one count of administering a prescription only drug without authorisation.</p><p>She was ordered to pay a £300 fine and given three months in which to do so or face 14 days in prison.</p><p>The prosecution offered no evidence on a further count of failing to discharge a health and safety duty.</p><p>The nurse’s future in the career will be decided post-prosecution by the Nursing and Midwifery Council.</p><p> The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. </p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • Ann Coulter and Donald Trump in war of words over the border as he says he 'barely knows' her

    Ann Coulter and Donald Trump in war of words over the border as he says he 'barely knows' her

    ce of outside conservative voices, and brought up Coulter, whose opposition to a prior budget deal is credited with helping pressure him toward a shutdown.</p><p>After gushing about Rush Limbaugh and Fox New host Sean Hannity, Trump repeatedly dismissed Coulter in his response. 'Ann Coulter, I don't know her. I hardly know her. I haven't spoken to her in way over a year,' Trump said.</p><p>'But the press loves saying Ann Coulter,' Trump complained. 'Probably if I did speak to her she would be very nice. I just don't have the time to speak to her,' Trump claimed.</p><p>'The only national emergency is that our president is an idiot,' commentator Ann Coulter said</p><p>'But she's off the reservation but anybody that knows her understands that. I haven't spoken to her, I don't follow her, I don't talk to her,' he concluded. </p><p>Coulter responded on Twitter: 'He seems to think 'the reservation' is HIM, not his campaign promises.' </p><p>One online follower posted a picture of Coulter speaking a Trump rally in Iowa during the campaign. She retweeted the image, writing: 'THANK YOU, Mr. President for admitting that your total capitulation on campaign promises has nothing to do with me.'</p><p>Coulter has complained that Trump is yielding to pressures to provide eventual 'amnesty' to illegal immigrants. She said he is 'just fooling the rubes with a national emergency,' which will be contested in court.</p><p>In 2016, she authored the book: ''In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!.' </p><p>'Ann Coulter, I don't know her. I hardly know her,' said Trump</p><p>Coulter has gone from backing Trump to arguing he violated his main campaign promise. She said he is 'just fooling the rubes with a national emergency'</p><p>'But the press loves saying Ann Coulter,' Trump complained. 'Probably if I did speak to her she would be very nice. I just don't have the time to speak to her,' he claimed</p><p>In another slight, she wrote: ' No. 1 trending topic on Twitter: 25th Amendment' – a reference to the constitutional provision for removing a president from office if he is unable to fulfill his duties.</p><p>'Forget the fact that he's digging his own grave,' Coulter said. 'The only national emergency is that our president is an idiot,' she said.   </p><p> The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. </p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • Thieves using a car as a battering ram to smash into shopping centre

    Thieves using a car as a battering ram to smash into shopping centre

    ttering ram to smash into a shopping centre and raid a phone shop.</p><p>CCTV footage shows ram-raiders ploughing through the doors of Wallsend Forum centre in North Tyneside and parking in front of an O2 shop.</p><p>Glass smashes as the doors are broken from the force of the car and footage shows the thieves driving through the empty shopping centre. </p><p>CCTV footage shows a car ploughing through the doors of Wallsend Forum centre in North Tyneside </p><p>Glass smashes as the doors are broken from the force of the car and footage shows the thieves driving through the empty shopping centre</p><p>Two men can be seen rushing out of the car and footage from the shop shows them trying to kick down the door of the stock room.</p><p>One of the hooded thieves grabs expensive phones and stuffs them into a bag before fleeing back to the car. </p><p>Northumbria Police were called after an alarm was activated at around 4.10am on Tuesday 29 January.</p><p>They found the shop had been broken into and the thieves had ransacked the place of stock. </p><p>PC David Hudson, from Northumbria Police, said: 'The significant damage to the shopping centre and the burglary has caused substantial financial loss for the businesses involved.</p><p>'An investigation has been launched, and I urge anyone with information or who may have been in the area at the time and witnessed something, to get in touch.'  </p><p>One of the hooded thieves grabs expensive phones and stuff them into a bag before fleeing back to their car</p><p>The raid in Newcastle-upon-Tyne is one of a string of recent similar crimes. The trend will heighten fears that there could be a new epidemic of ram-raids across Britain.</p><p>The country was gripped by a wave of smash-and-grabs in the 1980s and early 1990s, with cars or vans commonly used to batter their way into cash machines or jewellery stores. </p><p>Northumbria Police yesterday released footage of the latest incident, saying said it ‘wouldn’t look out of place in The Italian Job’.</p><p>Rather than using red, white and blue Minis like Michael Caine’s mob in the 1969 caper, the criminals used a small black car as a battering ram. </p><p>Footage shows them using the vehicle to smash through doors at the Forum Shopping Centre in Wallsend at 4am, before driving through the mall and parking outside an O2 shop.</p><p>Two figures exit the black hatchback and head for the store, with one hooded thief swiping stock from the shop into his bag before the duo flee in their vehicle. They are yet to be caught following the incident on January 29.</p><p>In December, a report revealed surging levels of similar crimes. Attempts to steal cash have almost doubled from 400 in 2014 to 723 last year according to a report by ATM operator Cardtronics. </p><p>It suggested nearly half of all attacks could be considered dangerous, with gas explosions among the techniques used to blast out ATMs.</p><p>There has been a wave of ram-raids across the UK in recent weeks. Last Saturday, CCTV caught thieves using a stolen Mitsubishi Shogun to batter down the front of a convenience store in the village of Bells Yew Green in East Sussex.</p><p>They used a vehicle to bash into the shop front before ripping out the cash box from an ATM and towing it away.</p><p>On Wednesday, three masked robbers attempted to ram-raid a One Stop store in Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands, using a white Ford Transit van.</p><p>When that failed, they rushed in to the store with crowbars, took what they could and smashed up the premises before getting away in a BMW.</p><p>Last week, a stolen JCB was used to ram-raid a business in the village of Pinxton, Derbyshire. The brazen thieves didn’t manage to get away with anything, but caused a huge amount of damage.</p><p>The term ram-raiding was coined in the 1980s when it became the ‘crime of choice’, forcing many shops to put up shutters or erect bollards.</p><p>It was a particular problem in north-east England. Former Detective Superintendent Steve Wade, from Northumbria Police, recalled: ‘In the mid 80s and early 90s the crime of choice was ram-raiding.</p><p>‘They used to steal high-powered performance cars like Cosworths and Golf GTIs and just ram the shutters of shops and clear as much stuff as they could.’ Raids finally subsided after a police crackdown.</p><p> The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. </p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • CBS cuts off Trump's emergency speech for the Price is Right

    CBS cuts off Trump's emergency speech for the Price is Right

    declaration and press conference that followed on Friday afternoon.</p><p>CBS cut away from Donald Trump's televised addressed to return to the 'Price is Right' which is normally broadcast at that time</p><p>Trump was speaking on Friday morning from the Rose Garden of the White House to announce he was declaring a national emergency at the border to build barriers to guard against illegal immigration.</p><p>'I am going to be signing a national emergency,' Trump said after the announcement was delayed from its original 10.30am start.</p><p>'It’s a great thing to do because we have an invasion of drugs, invasion of gangs, invasion of people,' the president said in seeking to justify the need for an emergency declaration. </p><p>The networks confirmed that they would carry the speech, which comes amidst the ongoing partial government shutdown, on Thursday.</p><p>Four years ago, all the broadcast networks declined to air a prime-time address on immigration from President Barack Obama because its content was considered too 'overtly political.'</p><p>CBS News reported that the White House has assured the network Trump’s speech will run no longer than eight minutes.</p><p>Trump started to speak at 1.10pm and finished at 2pm, which meant the speech was longer than expected. </p><p>Donald Trump delivered his speech in which he  announced a national emergency on the border on Friday which lasted approximately 50 minutes </p><p>CBS cut to the Price is Right with host Drew Carrey (pictured) 21 minutes into Trump's speech </p><p>On Monday Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer issued a statement saying the Democrats must immediately be given equal airtime' and claiming Trump's address will likely be filled with 'malice and misinformation.' </p><p>Trump announced a national emergency on the border on Friday, a move calculated to allow him to spend $8 billion building his wall after signing a bill to avoid a second government shutdown after a bitter standoff with Congress. </p><p>Social media users watching the address on CBS were quick to notice Trump was cut short </p><p>'The President's unlawful declaration over a crisis that does not exist does great violence to our Constitution and makes America less safe, stealing from urgently needed defense funds for the security of our military and our nation,' they said.</p><p>'This is plainly a power grab by a disappointed President, who has gone outside the bounds of the law to try to get what he failed to achieve in the constitutional legislative process.'</p><p> The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. </p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • Four teenage girls are released from hospital after overdosing on prescription drugs at high school 

    Four teenage girls are released from hospital after overdosing on prescription drugs at high school 

    verdosing on prescription drugs while at school.</p><p>The Southport State High School students, three aged 13 and one 12-year-old, were rushed to hospital on Friday morning after becoming unwell. </p><p>The Southport State High School students, three aged 13 and one 12-year-old, were rushed to hospital on Friday morning after becoming unwell</p><p>The exact substance the girls ingested is not yet known, however, detective inspector Marc Hogan said it was a Valium-type substance</p><p>Students said there were reports on social media that the girls had taken Xanax – a prescription drug used to treat anxiety.</p><p>Three of the girls were discharged from Gold Coast University Hospital by Friday night. </p><p>One girl was kept at the hospital overnight but she had been discharged by Saturday morning. </p><p>Daily Mail Australia has contacted the school for comment. </p><p>The incident comes almost a year after seven students overdosed on a Russian designer drug similar to GHB at another Gold Coast school.</p><p>The Saint Stephen's College students posted their horror experience to Snapchat, and five boys were rushed to hospital.</p><p>The incident comes almost a year after seven students overdosed on a Russian designer drug similar to GHB at another Gold Coast school (stock image)</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • PICTURED: Teacher, 27, who was hit and killed by an oil truck while wearing earphones and hood

    PICTURED: Teacher, 27, who was hit and killed by an oil truck while wearing earphones and hood

    n inside out' was hit and killed by a truck as she dragged her small suitcase across a New York street Friday.</p><p>Sarah Foster, 27, passed away at the scene after being struck by the vehicle belonging to a heating oil company at around 5.45am on East 37th Street and Third Avenue in Midtown Manhattan.</p><p>She was reportedly wearing headphones and hood when the Approved Oil truck made a left turn and she was knocked to the ground just steps away from her 36th street apartment.</p><p>Sarah Foster, 27, was hit and killed while crossing the road wearing earphones and a hood in New York Friday</p><p>Approved Oil company VP said: 'It's an unfortunate situation and prayers go out to her family'</p><p>The incident happened on East 37th Street and Third Avenue in Midtown Manhattan, near her Murray Hill apartment where the teacher dragged her small suitcase</p><p>Witnesses from the local Bagel Boys store saw the tragic incident where driver Steven McDermott, 51, remained before being charged with failure to yield to a pedestrian.</p><p>Law enforcement also said he was charged with failure to exercise due care and he is due to appear in court April 15 after being issued a desk appearance ticket.</p><p>Teacher Foster was killed at the scene and the driver waited after the collision occurred  </p><p>Employees at Bagel Boss saw the incident. Driver Steven McDermott, 51, was charged with failure to yield to a pedestrian and failure to exercise due care</p><p>Foster (right) taught Social Studies in Harrison Central School District for more than two years</p><p>Foster recently moved into her Murray Hill home, where she lived alone. </p><p>The woman taught Social Studies in the Harrison Central School District for the past two-and-a-half years.</p><p>'She was a beautiful person inside and out,' her aunt told The Post. 'She and I just connected on so many levels.' </p><p>Social media images with her father Stu and sister Leah indicate she was a Boston Red Sox fan.</p><p>She was a Sigma Delta Tau sorority sister at Union College in Schenectady, New York. </p><p>Red Sox supporter Foster is pictured left with her sister Leah (center) and father Stu (right)</p><p>Foster (left) was described as a 'caregiver' and a 'beautiful person inside out' </p><p>She was a Sigma Delta Tau sorority sister at Union College in Schenectady, New York</p><p> The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. </p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • Children are being exposed to extreme diet advice on Instagram

    Children are being exposed to extreme diet advice on Instagram

    share ‘fasting’ tips. They are also bombarded with advice on hiding anorexia and bulimia from their families and disposing of food unnoticed.</p><p>One user posted details of ‘the salt and ice diet’, saying it suppressed food cravings between meals (stock image) </p><p>One user posted details of ‘the salt and ice diet’, saying it suppressed food cravings between meals. The revelations come three days after the Duchess of Cornwall warned the Instagram generation against ‘ridiculous’ diets. Camilla said youngsters were damaging their health by trying to be ‘Skinny Lizzies’.</p><p>The Daily Mail has found troves of shocking images on Instagram promoting eating disorders, starvation and dangerous fad diets.</p><p>Sky News presenter Mark Austin, who has spoken of his daughter Maddy’s battle with anorexia, condemned the content.</p><p>‘This is hideously dangerous and more teenagers will die if such content is not controlled,’ he said. ‘I fear that an entire generation is subject to some unregulated social experiment the results of which we may not know for some time. The big companies like Facebook may not have a legal responsibility for what is on their platform but they clearly have a moral responsibility.’</p><p>The revelations come three days after the Duchess of Cornwall warned the Instagram generation against ‘ridiculous’ diets</p><p>Maddy, 20, is in recovery after her weight dropped dangerously during her battle with anorexia.</p><p>Reporters at this newspaper posed as a girl of 13 – the minimum age for joining Instagram – to set up an account under a false name and birth date. It took just seconds of searching online to find pages of posts glamourising eating disorders. The featured women were painfully thin and tagged with motivational words like ‘thinspiration’ and ‘You really can lose weight. You can be THAT girl’.</p><p>Another post said: ‘Satisfaction from food lasts for three minutes. Skinny lasts forever.’ Pixie Turner, a nutritionist, said it was worrying that such dangerous advice was online. She added: ‘The idea of eating salted ice to suppress hunger is that the ice gives your mouth something to do, while the salt should reduce cravings. Except it doesn’t work that way, especially if you’re not craving something salty.</p><p>Instagram has agreed to remove graphic self-harm content from its platform following the death of 14-year-old Molly Russell</p><p>‘Engaging in these kinds of risky dieting behaviours like hunger suppression is one of the biggest risk factors for eating disorders.’</p><p>Edzard Ernst, professor of complementary medicine at Exeter University, said the salt and ice diet was ineffective and unhealthy.</p><p>Instagram has agreed to remove graphic self-harm content from its platform following the death of 14-year-old Molly Russell. Molly’s father Ian said she took her own life after viewing images on the website that glamourised self-harm and suicide.</p><p>Instagram last night said it did not allow posts that encouraged eating disorders, but that limited anorexia-related content was important to help sufferers.</p><p>A spokesman said: ‘Experts we work with tell us that for many young people discussing their mental health journey, or connecting with others who have battled similar issues, is an important part of their recovery.’</p><p>It is investigating the problem accounts flagged by the Mail.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • AOC under fire for giving her boyfriend a congressional email account to look at her calendar

    AOC under fire for giving her boyfriend a congressional email account to look at her calendar

    emerged she has given her boyfriend Riley Roberts a congressional email account. </p><p>Political consultant Luke Thompson tweeted a picture of his official House email address, which quickly went viral. </p><p>He tweeted: 'While you were having a nice Valentine's Day, @AOC decided to put her boyfriend on staff - drawing a salary on the taxpayer's dime. Nice to see her adapting to the swamp so quickly.'</p><p>But AOC hit back, writing: 'Actually this cal designation is a permission so he can have access to my Google Cal. Congressional spouses get Gcal access all the time.</p><p>'Next time check your facts before you tweet nonsense.'  </p><p>Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi performs a ceremonial swearing-in for US House Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She was joined by Riley Roberts, third from right</p><p>Political consultant Luke Thompson tweeted a picture of his official House email address</p><p>But Ocasio-Cortez hit back and insisted it's only so he can look at her calendar</p><p>Her chief of staff Saikat Chakrabarti also posted to Twitter, defending the account </p><p>Robert Riley is the head of marketing at HomeBinder.com, according to Marie Claire. He also works with tech startups. </p><p>Riley from is Boston, Massachusetts and is reported to have gone to uni there, too. </p><p>He was pictured at her swearing in, telling the New York Post it was 'a really incredible day, really special'. </p><p>They lived together in the Bronx before moving to Washington D.C. </p><p>Her chief of staff Saikat Chakrabarti also argued the move was normal for a spouse or partner. </p><p>He wrote: 'He's not paid. We have no volunteers in the office. He's not doing any government work. He can see her calendar just like spouses/partners/family members in other congressional office.</p><p>'Spouses and partners normally get http://mail.house.gov e-mail addresses for the purpose of getting calendar access.'</p><p>As news of her boyfriend's email was shared online Jason Chaffetz, former chairman of the House Oversight Committee, told Fox: 'It's totally naive and inappropriate – you wouldn't allow it in most companies, let alone the House of Representatives. There should be real consequences.</p><p>'When I was in the House, my scheduler would forward my wife my schedule once a week. But you're not allowed unfettered access. And he isn't even her spouse. It should be referred to the ethics committee for further investigation.' </p><p> Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, 29, remained outspoken on the deal since its announcement in November. Now Amazon blame her rhetoric for foiling their plans</p><p>It comes on the day Amazon hit-out at Ocasio-Cortez and her Democratic peers for creating an unjust hostile 'environment' that led to the withdrawal of their New York headquarters plan.  </p><p>The online retailer announced on Thursday that they were pulling the plug on their proposal to create a second headquarters in New York's Long-Island City.</p><p>Speaking out about the withdrawal on Friday, Amazon's head of policy communications, Jodi Seth, pointed blame at Ocasio-Cortez and her anti-Amazon rhetoric.</p><p>Seth said it wasn't 'any one incident' but months of vitriolic political discourse - perpetuated by the likes of AOC - that ultimately resulted in the company's decision to look elsewhere for a new branch to its Seattle base. </p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p>Your comment will be posted to MailOnline as usual.</p><p>Do you want to automatically post your MailOnline comments to your Facebook Timeline?</p><p> We will automatically post your comment and a link to the news story to your Facebook timeline at the same time it is posted on MailOnline. To do this we will link your MailOnline account with your Facebook account. We’ll ask you to confirm this for your first post to Facebook.</p><p>Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday &amp; Metro Media Group</p>

    1 February 16, 2019
  • Vogue Brazil Fashion Director Resigns Over Photos That Evoke Slavery Era

    Vogue Brazil Fashion Director Resigns Over Photos That Evoke Slavery Era

    Brazil edition has resigned following an outcry over photographs from her 50th birthday party that critics saw as an allusion to race relations during the colonial era, when Brazil relied heavily on slave labor.</p><p>The executive, Donata Meirelles, who is white, posted the photographs on her Instagram account, where she appears smiling broadly sitting on an ornate chair flanked by two black women wearing elaborate white dresses.</p><p>Many Brazilians saw the images, taken in the predominantly black state of Bahia, as a throwback to Brazil’s colonial era, when light-skinned elites enslaved millions of people of African descent. Now, just over half of Brazilians identify as black or of mixed racial background, but discrimination remains a powerful force there.</p><p>But racism still pushes black Brazilians to the bottom of the economic ladder and keeps them largely invisible in Congress, the executive branch, corporate suites and news organizations.</p><p>Ana Lucia Araujo, a history professor at Howard University who studies slavery, said the controversy over Ms. Meirelles’s birthday has brought to the fore a topic many Brazilians are reluctant to acknowledge publicly.</p><p>“Racism and white supremacy are issues that have been ignored in Brazil,” she said. “This continues to be a central issue in Brazilian society and this event will lead us to pay much more attention to how black women are depicted and commodified in Brazilian culture.”</p><p>Ms. Araujo and many Brazilians said the mere presence of women dressed in the traditional baiana outfit of white blouse, skirt, headwrap and beads should not be construed as racist.</p><p>It is also a way to earn a living for many: Women in the starched white outfit are often hired to meet tourists disembarking from cruises in Bahia and can be seen selling traditional street food.</p><p>But the figure, cast uncritically, can evoke a racist past. Ms. Araujo said that the photo in which Ms. Meirelles is sitting, surrounded by baianas, was insensitive — or at least tone deaf.</p><p>“Black flesh used to be the cheapest on the market but not anymore,” she added. “We’ll yell that out to anyone who hasn’t understood it yet. Slavery is not a joke.”</p><p>One of the women in the photos, Rita Ventura dos Santos, told the newspaper that she and her colleagues did not consider themselves to have been pawns.</p><p>“Whoever wants to criticize the party is at liberty to do so,” she told Folha. “But I am no child to have been put myself in a degrading situation.”</p><p>Ms. Meirelles signaled that the uproar had taken an emotional toll. On Thursday night, she posted a photo montage on Instagram featuring two women sitting on a massive Prozac pill.</p><p>It’s far from the first time the fashion industry has been found itself embroiled in controversy for insensitive or outright racist depictions.</p>

    1 February 16, 2019

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